Freedom of Choice

By Adrienne Burton

Insight One: I Am Self - The leader of my internal system whose presence is compassionate wisdom

I have been in recovery for over four years now and let me tell you, the journey has not been a vacation. When I first made the decision to get off the hamster wheel of pain and suffering, all I wanted was to feel better. I wanted to find the right combination of doctors, therapists and practitioners that would “fix” me so I could get back to “normal.” Little did I know that the only normal I knew was actually holding me hostage. I was tethered to trauma that had locked my parts into patterns of unconscious beliefs and behaviors that were recycling their pain. When I encountered Internal Family Systems (IFS), I took to it like a baby takes to milk (lactose free in my case 😊). One quality of Self that I learned on the journey has been particularly empowering and is one of my primary tools day-to-day is the power of Choice.

Most often, Choice requires a moment of pause to gain Clarity about the options that are available in the moment. One of the reasons that parts can become overwhelming in their reactions is their belief that there are no choices. They feel trapped, thus increasing the urgency and threat in a situation, which can lead to compulsive behavior with unwanted consequences. In some cases, it may be true that choices are limited, particularly for young parts that lack skills and/or support, however this is also why it’s important to pause and allow Self to enter the equation for a broader Perspective.

When we operate on autopilot, parts tend to run the show based on past wounds or rigid roles they’ve adopted. A perfectionist part may drive you to overwork. A protector part might isolate you from others to avoid disappointment. A reactive part might lash out before you even realize what’s happening. When we build relationships with these parts, choice becomes available. You can pause, notice a part is activated, and gently say, “I see you. I’m here with you. And I’ll choose what’s best for us right now.”

In moments of stress, overwhelm, or emotional reactivity, the idea that we have a choice can feel far away and out of reach. But at the core of any internal system is the Self—a calm, curious, compassionate presence that can relate to activated parts and offer them love and leadership. From Self, we are not blended with our parts in a way that overtakes the system. We can listen to them, care for them, and—crucially—choose how we respond. Choice can then become a spiritual and psychological act of freedom.

Here are a few IFS-informed strategies to help you grow your capacity for choice:

1. Pause and Notice - When you feel triggered, take a breath. Ask: Who’s here right now? Notice what part might be activated. Just naming it creates space.
2. Unblend from the Part - Remind yourself: This is a part of me, not all of me. Imagine stepping back slightly in your mind so you can witness the part instead of being overtaken by it.
3. Check in with Self - Ask: Can Self be present right now? If not, what does the system need to feel safer? Sometimes just acknowledging this opens the door to Self.
4. Ask Before Acting - Before making a choice, ask your parts: How do you feel about this? Listen, and then ask: What does my Self think is best here? Let it be a collaborative process.
5. Appreciate the Effort - Whether you make a “good” decision or not, thank your parts for their input. This builds trust in your internal system and reduces shame.

Try this short practice next time you feel pulled in different directions:

1. Find a quiet space. Close your eyes. Take a few slow breaths.
2. Recall a situation where you feel torn or reactive.
3. Ask gently: Who’s here right now? What am I feeling? What does this part want me to do?
4. Visualize yourself turning toward that part. Say: “Thank you for showing up. I’m listening.”
5. Now, invite Self to be present. Take another breath. Ask: “What does my deeper wisdom want here?”
6. Imagine the part and Self sitting together, in dialogue. What would Self say with compassion?
7. When ready, return to the present moment. Ask yourself: “What feels like a choice that honors both my parts and my deeper Self?”

Choice isn’t about forcing positivity, ignoring complexity, denying parts or pretending not to feel what we feel—it’s about choosing how to relate to our parts and the world around us from a grounded place within. It’s about honoring the full truth of our inner world—and still choosing to respond with wisdom, care, and courage. Every moment offers a doorway to deeper connection with yourself. As you build trust with your parts and cultivate the presence of Self, the power to choose becomes not just possible, but natural. When you lead from Self, every choice becomes an act of healing.

Adrienne Burton is a PATH Board Member and Facilitator, as well as a writer, artist, speaker and wellness coach. To connect with Adrienne, click here.

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PATH Adopts the 9th “C” – Choice

Many leaders in the Internal Family Systems (IFS) community incorporate Choice as an additional quality of Self. While PATH has informally followed this evolution, we are now officially adding Choice to the qualities of Self. Adrienne Burton has designed a new graphic that PATH will use going forward to reflect this new direction. As always, your comments and/or questions are welcome and are happily received at our New Email Address: ​insight@path2recovery.org​.

Note: Our old email address (pathtorecovery365@gmail.com) will remain active for the remainder of 2025 to facilitate the transition and will be fully phased out beginning in 2026. Please begin using the new address for all communications going forward.

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PATH programs are funded by the generous contributions of our members and communities, and we appreciate your support. To make a donation, visit: https://gofund.me/c248afb4​