PATH is an international, online recovery community rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS) for the Practice of Addiction and underlying Trauma Healing.
Share
Reflections in Recovery
Published about 2 months ago • 4 min read
Reflections in Recovery
by Adrienne Burton
Insight Seven: May I heal my burdens - Which allows my parts to express their inherent gifts
I’ve been practicing internal family systems (IFS) for over two years now and have made considerable progress in understanding and caring for my system. Actually, as I reflect back, it’s really been more like four years in total, although for the first two years I didn’t know that I was developing the building blocks that would ultimately support me when I found IFS and its framework for navigating my complex inner family.
During my first year in recovery after getting sober and recognizing how addiction played a role as my primary coping strategy, my therapeutic journey was focused on learning how to identify and name my emotions. Up until that point, I was so disconnected from my body that I didn’t even think I had emotions. I almost prided myself on the fact that I could be numb and relatively “unaffected” by day-to-day circumstances, even criticizing others who didn’t seem to have this super power. Working with my therapist, I began to practice mindfulness exercises to notice the basic sensations in my body. Between therapy sessions, I would practice noticing sensations and also when those sensations occurred. For example, noticing when I experienced shortness of breath, what I call “nervous knees” or restless legs, or when I felt a surge of energy that wouldn’t allow me to sit still. I was also instructed to notice what was happening immediately before the sensations started to determine what might have triggered it (including what thoughts I was thinking). And then I learned which emotions were connected with these sensations and thoughts. Learning to identify and name these emotions and sensations would later be essential in helping me to identify parts.
In my second year of recovery, I began what I would later understand to be cultivating Self energy. I used a combination of approaches that I now know were aimed at the various qualities of Self that we know in IFS as the 9 C’s and the 5 P’s (Calmness, Confidence, Clarity, Creativity, Courage, Compassion, Curiosity, Connectedness, Choice, Presence, Perspective, Playfulness, Patience and Persistence). I used some of the mindfulness exercises and other emotion regulation techniques to support me in accessing internal Calmness. I started exploring free arts and crafting classes at the library and other community organizations to begin practicing Playfulness and Creativity. And I developed relationships with other folks in recovery through support groups and cultivated new friendships with people I met in the arts classes to help me with experiencing Connectedness. These and other activities would help me begin to experience Self energy (even if I was borrowing it from other people), so I could later have a reference point for what it felt like and could transition to generating Self energy for myself as needed.
When I finally found my way to IFS, my internal system responded positively to the deep Compassion that is essential component of this approach. Hearing that ALL parts of me are welcome and have a positive intent was so reassuring and helped ease the internal criticism I experienced from thinking I was somehow defective as a person recovering from addiction. It took me a bit to learn the language of IFS and understand how to work with the parts I was learning to identify, but Patience and Persistence kept me coming back to the meetings and learning little by little how I could apply this as a regular practice in my own life.
Now that I have developed the skills for cultivating Self energy and can identify parts as they become activated, I’ve chosen to do the work of unburdening my parts, or releasing them from the extreme ideas, beliefs, behaviors, and feelings that they carry from traumatic experiences. While all parts have a positive intent, they can take on burdens (extreme beliefs or behaviors) as a result of problematic or traumatic interactions that they carry as an obligation which can modify the way that the part achieves its positive intent, usually in an unhealthy way. For example, a part may have the intention to bring comfort to the system, and following a traumatic event may begin to believe that excessive alcohol use is the only way to achieve its goal. For some people, this extreme behavior may be inherited from a previous generation in what’s considered a legacy or intergenerational burden. Other legacy or inherited burdens can include things like the effects of systemic oppression or social violence which may not necessarily have occurred in a person’s life, but negatively impacted prior generations such that the psychological, emotional, or physical impacts are passed down to future generations. Or legacy burdens may be extreme behaviors like perfectionism or characteristics like predispositions to health conditions. In any case, parts may carry these burdens even when no direct experience caused them.
As we celebrate Black History Month here in the United States in February (a time set aside to honor the often-underrepresented legacies of people from the African diaspora), I am also confronting some legacy burdens of my own. Some related to my race and ethnicity, and others related to my role as a wife and mother with some parts who experience the expectations as a household caregiver to mean that my dreams and desires are less important than others. As I write those words, I also notice parts that feel extremely vulnerable expressing these truths. I am pausing to hold compassion for my parts and reminding them of the Courage we now carry and the Connectedness we have both internally and externally for our journey. While it is challenging work that calls upon all the building blocks I have developed thus far, I am encouraged and excited by the ever-expanding joy and possibilities that continue to open up as I release what no longer serves my well-being.
While unburdening is not required, I am exercising my Choice to lean into Insight 7, “May I heal my burdens - Which allows my parts to express their inherent gifts,” and practice Insight 8 “I Take Care of My System - May I be present as a source of strength for my parts.” For whatever path to recovery you may choose, my hope is that the insights you gain along the way will support you in creating a life that you never need a vacation from.
You are invited to explore resources on Black history, experiences and support. These resources are provided to help you get started:
Adrienne Burton is a PATH Board Member and Facilitator, as well as a writer, artist, speaker and wellness coach. To connect with Adrienne, click here.
PATH programs are funded by the generous contributions of our members and communities and we appreciate your support. Please make a donation today at whatever level you are able:https://gofund.me/c248afb4
PATH is an international, online recovery community rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS) for the Practice of Addiction and underlying Trauma Healing.
Resolved to Rest by Adrienne Burton Insight Eight: I Take Care of My System - May I be present as a source of strength for my parts As the calendar turns over into a new year, I am choosing a different path than usual. Rather than following the trend to set resolutions and get myself geared up for a list of new things, I am following nature’s example in this winter season and enjoying some rest. Winter, especially in colder climates, is a time when many plants, animals, and ecosystems slow...
Good Grief, Part 2 by Adrienne Burton Insight Seven: May I heal my burdens - Which allows my parts to express their inherent gifts Grieving often seems easier to understand when a loved one has passed away, but what about when we have lost someone that is still living? Perhaps it was the end of a romantic relationship or a rupture with a close friend. And what about a loss that we may have chosen like retiring from a job or leaving home to move to a new city for opportunity. Some scenarios...
Good Grief by Adrienne Burton Insight Seven: May I heal my burdens - Which allows my parts to express their inherent gifts The one constant thing in life is change and all change involves loss of some kind—letting go of what was in favor of what is becoming. Even though what we give up in the process of change may be something we are happy to let go of, it is loss nonetheless—and every loss involves grief. Grieving doesn’t always require an extensive process. In some cases, it can be as...
