Father Figures

by Adrienne Burton

Insight 4: All Parts Are Welcome – May I accept that they hold a positive intent

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In the United States, during the month of June we have a holiday set aside to celebrate fatherhood – a role within the family that is traditionally associated with protecting and providing security and safety (both financial and physical). Keeping in mind that parenting roles aren’t necessarily confined to any gender identities, but rather represent the balance of needs for healthy development, looking at the functions of the father can help us to identify some of our parts, the roles they play, and the intentions or needs behind them.

Let’s take a moment to consider financial security as an example. Reflect back over the last month or so as it relates to money or financial concerns. What sensations arise in your body as you focus on the idea of money and finances? What thoughts have come to mind recently around finances? What behaviors have you engaged to either avoid or attract finances? You may want to spend some time sitting with these questions and write down anything that comes up for you. This exercise may offer some insights about parts that seek to provide security for your system. It may also be helpful to practice taking deep breaths and doing some gentle stretching or movement as you sit with these questions to allow any energy that arises to move freely through the body.

Many parts can take on differing roles related to financial security. Some parts may be protectors that want to avoid dealing with finances to guard against overwhelm and uncomfortable feelings. Some parts may be managers that proactively drive you to work hard and produce in order to feel secure. And other parts may compulsively count every penny that comes in, and place heavy restrictions on what they consider “frivolous” spending. Regardless of how they go about it, the parts are all seeking to fulfill a portion of that role as protector and provider. While the methods may mirror what was modeled by an adult caregiver during childhood, ultimately, the parts do what they believe works. And sometimes parts may even be working against one another, for example if one part prioritizes soothing discomfort while another part prioritizes work ethic, they may be in conflict with one another.

The roles that society has assigned to people in the outer family are a direct reflection of the needs of an individual in our internal family system. While the people in our lives may or may not be successful at living up to the roles they are assigned, they can help us learn more about our internal system and the needs our parts are trying to address. As we approach this time set aside to celebrate fatherhood, may we all connect with Self to hold compassion and gratitude for the parts within us that are working to make us feel safe and secure.

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